Would you read my book?

Question

Would you read my book?
These are excerpts, but they are in order...

Answer

I thought about this for a while. You have an ability to draw in the readers because of your ability to describe the situation, physical and psychological, by appealing to the senses in a way that a reader feels or sees it and wants to learn more. I dont know how important your punctuation is when submitting something to be published, but you should either learn the details or get a proofreader.brDont get overly involved in description sometimes you are saying the same thing twice as in your overly sensitive sensations and your response of being washed over and indulged. An overhead fan doesnt wobble sturdily, and you wait for someone. Waiting on someone means you are serving them.brAll of your story is in the past, even your quotations. You may want to draw the reader to a present action.brPlease dont take this critique as all negative and forget what I said in the beginning. Your mistakes are amateur and can be corrected. Good luck. Let us know the title when you publish this.